This is the way I am. I take up these things all day from the very
morning till the very night. Some very strange while some are very
different from others. I have no friends around me. Even, I don’t want
any of them in my life, because this universe is not made for me.
Maybe I am not made for it. So, in this universe, I am aware of things,
which make me realise that I can’t exist with them in the world. I
don’t seem like an alien, just my actions make me out of the universe.
Literally, I am a very honest like all humans. Whatever they are, in
my case, I can’t survive as long as they can.
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When I think about these things, I have gone through since many
years, I don't feel normal. While the doors make me irritated,
which I usually do check constantly three times, locking and unlocking
it, unless I get satisfied whether gates have closed properly or not.
Those windows into the room which pass the air aren't effective to
the body organs. People want to live a life with happiness, but in my
case, it doesn’t make any sense to me to live or to die; even it makes
me more exhausted.
I get up at midnights and blink my eyes constantly three times. I
throw away the blanket over my body again and again and within a
minute, I pull it in the same way, as I have thrown it away.
Afterwards, I go to check the windows into the room constantly three
times and in the course of it, I do not sleep well and normal; and
stay awake the entire night. I have passed so many nights through this
What are these things and these fears which crawl in my brain, and the
anxiety through my heart, which I couldn’t recognise ever? I suffer a
lot every day, every minute, and every second, which makes me more
weak to complete those pending works that are left incomplete due to
these things. I am not sure whether I have done them or not.
These are not enough. The most disturbing thing that happens with me
while having breakfast in the morning, that I place three spoons on
the table and arrange them in a sequential way. I pick them one by one
to pour the sugar into the cup, as well as milk into the black tea.
Afterwards, I cut bread into three pieces. I chew three times, under
the mouth from the right side to the left side of the mouth. After
these things which happen with me all the day, I don’t find myself of
this universe. I don’t consider myself as a normal human like all. I
don’t do anything like everyone does. I am not made of this universe.
After so many days, when I have realised that I have caught by
something which is really very dangerous to all, that is what?
(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Then I feel, that all humans come
without pain, they get here — in the perfect situations — and in the