Neither the winning one, nor the quitting one, I'm the deserving one.

Alisha Khan | 08-Dec-2016

1. "Everything will be okay."
They always tell me this when I'm worried.
"Life is not fair, dear."
I always hear this when I lost a battle.

Neither the winning one, nor the quitting one; I'm the deserving one.

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But you know what? Everything will never be okay and this is the fair game of life. We all come crawling in this world. We then get scrapes and we learn to walk. When our demons chase us, we learn to run. And when we fall countless times, we finally learn to fly.
Life makes all of us go through hell. Some of us get desperate to create their heaven while the others learn to live in the ashes. 
Life will never be fair because the day it will be, heaven and hell will lose its meaning.

2."You have ruined our reputation!"
Really? Choosing love over lust, passion over people, true identity over false cover, choosing my own life, how does it affect your reputation? How can you not see that I am not a gold digger? How can you not see my smile when my creativity is appreciated? How can you not see my fear when those white papers ask me to specify my sexuality? How can you not see my desperation to taste freedom?

3. "One more day, just one more day." 
No, stop lying to yourself. All this will not end tomorrow. Or next week, maybe not even next month. You know why? Because you always wait for the other day. Because you wait for this to be over, this nightmare to end. But you are not willing to open your eyes. You want to see the sun but you are too afraid to perceive everything in clarity. 
Tomorrow again, they will tease you for your abnormal physique, taunt you for your stuttering speech, insult you because you are attracted to the wrong gender and mock you regarding your "standards". 
Aren't you fed up? Then why say "One more"? Say "no more". 
It's my life, my body, my choice and my decisions. No more do you have the right to judge me, to show me the "right" way, to tell me how I should live because you are a no one. You won't live my life, you won't bear my responsibilities and neither will you face the consequences for my choices. 
Stop shooting air bullets people, my armour is of fire.

4. "Mirror mirror on the wall,
I wish a Happy New Year to all."

I never get it. What's so "happy" about the new year? It's just another year, just a change in the numbers. People often tell me "it's a new start, a new beginning!" But isn't every day a beginning? Why wait for a year to make resolutions and mend our bad habits? Don't we all start afresh when we wake from our temporary deaths, feel like we're born again? Doesn't our alarm clock warn us every day, saves us from moments of regrets? Doesn't the splashing water reawakens our soul and tells it that we have new tasks to accomplish? Doesn't our breakfast provides us with the energy to go through the chaos of that day?
Every day the sun gives us a beautiful blessing.
Every day a different cloud provides us shade.
Every day one more opportunity lightens our hearts.
Every day a new lesson changes the person we are.

5.  “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”
This is the law of nature, isn’t it?

Maybe that is why when you give someone the world, they throw you in hell.
Maybe that is why when you trust someone blindly, they stab you until you can’t see anything.
Maybe that is why it kills you when you try to fix a broken soul.

But, what goes always comes back, right?
That is why your mother protects you even when you sometimes hurt her.
That is why your father fulfils your needs even when you don’t value his silent love.
That is why God keeps helping us even when we forget to thank him. 

This is what life is, a trampoline.
We have ups and downs, and we always get what we give, from whom and in which way, not that’s a mystery.

6. “Where Ambition is our goal,
Passion is our destiny.”

We all set our goals and accept that in whatever field we are good in, must be our passion. But no. It's not that simple. Your ambition can be as high as being a renowned business man and at the same time, your passion can be as simple as playing the guitar. Ambition is choosing your way of living while passion is learning the art of living. Among the unfulfilled tasks and high expectations, our passion gets lost, buried deep beneath the worldly affairs. Very few get to live their passion and even fewer realise their passion. Don’t just follow what you think your heart says, wait and listen what it actually wants. Don’t just do what you are good in, wait and think in which thing you crave to be good. A good student will study everything with interest but the subject which he is interested in studying is his passion. Don’t confuse feelings with emotions, don’t confuse correct with right and don’t confuse need with hunger. 

7. “How to be brave when you don’t know what scares you?
How to be perfect when you don’t know your flaws?
How to fight when you don’t know your strength?
And to find you when you don’t even identify yourself?”

Many, many people ask us to find ourselves, find our true selves, our potentials, etc, etc. But how? I can’t just open up my mind and look into my heart to find my real self. No one gave me a step-by-step guide to realising my true self. And what actually is this true self? If it my feelings? My outlooks, thoughts and views? My powers and weaknesses? My nature, attitude and personality? What is it? 

It's me. My true self is the part which I hide, the side I disguise, consciously or unconsciously. My true self is not my deep feelings; it's my dark secrets which affect my decisions and choices almost every day. My true self neither the hidden words nor the outspoken speeches; it's the reason why I tend to be silent, it's the reason why I want to shout. My true self is not my attitude which I can change or my personality which I can better. It is my experiences, my lessons, my mistakes and my accomplishments. Finding my true self is not finding my present or future self. It's finding my past self and realising how much growth I have done. Finding my true self is not looking for a pearl in the ocean, it's seeing all the water droplets which made the ocean this vast.

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About the Author
Alisha Khan
I like to express my views through words. I don't write to entertain people, I want people to relate to me and find inspiration in my words. Learning is an eternal process and to write was only another art for me which has now become a daily practice.