I don’t know what’s up with me, though making every possible attempt to find out that box of mystery which has this answer. Even while listening to a song, be it any song or just reading few tales, every one of it seems to have a common interest of signalling my soul in a way or another. Sometimes I am coerced to think this way that a game is played by me whose difficulty level upgrades with each passing day and that too without a prior notification. Maybe I am not the only one who thinks this way; a galore of world’s population might have this point of view, instead of knowing this aspect why this point of view of mine said to be “unique” by myself is making my inner self most of the times afraid of it and sometimes even special. Yes, they are signalling me to excel in life, guiding me through a route which En routes my selfhood to the ladders of success. It must be a moment of celebration for one, that finally, life is giving illuminated signals to excel in life, to climb up the ladders of success, then why am I afraid. Then in retrospect, I found out that the pure reason for it might be that since a very young age I am being told by everyone in my family and even by my relatives that “You are good for nothing”, someone in my family even said that success and me are the two antonyms or are the two parallel lines which can’t meet each other. The criticism was so harsh that my psyche somehow got submerged in it and then unknowingly accepted that.
But now after a gap of several years, why life is giving me aspirations, why it is continually supplying the omens that read, “You can, you will, you have to” realise your dream. My inquisitiveness always shrieks inside me, wherein I question the omens of my life, asking where you were in all these years where I had nothing but harsh criticisms. At that moment of pain, there was one person standing by my side and that was unsurprising me. Where these omens were then when I needed them the most are the kind of questions that I want an answer to. What do these forces of nature want me to commit and focus upon, but at present deficiency of a sound sleep and hours of overthinking are the symptoms of it.
Whose finger should I hold, whom should I contact who will help me to decode the presence of this omen?
Any person would think that parent’s advice is the core solution to every problem. But in my situation case is a lot different. My parents with a pure belief, think that we have a son who is an immature fool with an alienated thinking and sometimes I am often been recognised as an out-of-space a 20-year-old boy. So discussing this omen of mine would actually concrete their belief for me.
But I have to do; I have to uncover my dream from all judgments and prejudice. Yes, I want to become a writer and fill up the sheets with my stories, which I want the world to read about. Finally, these omens have successfully escalated my psyche to a level where I have realised that that pen which gave me insatiate marks on my exams sheet will be a major protagonist in the fulfilment of my dream. It is often said that “It was meant to be” so it’s all destined, it was a supreme destiny of mine that, somehow is trying to make me believe that, hands of mine were not meant to write crammed answers on the exam sheet with a pen, I am actually made for writing with a pen as a writer. Each and everything in life has a major role to play or each character is multifaceted, it has many aspects to playing in your life. That very pen which imprinted marks on my mark sheet which tarnished my image in the eyes of all, now that very pen will help me to write what I want and show the world and non-believers of me that everyone has its phase. The pen is persuading my selfhood to become a lord of them as a writer. Even in future I don’t have any idea as to what will happen to my dream of becoming a writer, will it be realised by me or it will remain a dream but being optimistic makes me believe that I will. Let’s just say I am assuming it so that, I can get an infinite hope from this assumption of mine.
Where should I go, lord! Courage is what required they say to recite your dream to your parents and fortunately, I managed to pile up the required amount.
Writing is the field in which I want to build my career in and yes you heard it right, I wanted to become a writer, said by me to my parents. Even I was getting some writer jokes this morning on what's app, but complete yours, said by father while reading the newspaper. Well, unfortunately, it’s not a joke, fortunately, it’s my decision as to what I wanted to pursue and build a career in.
Oh lord! Said by the father with a maniac laugh, I thought it was a joke coming my way. But if it’s is to be thought otherwise still you will make a joke out of yourself if you become a writer. Boy, what do you think you are up to, do you really know the meaning of what you are saying, my father, asked me. Yes, I am saying it with the full conscience, said by me while moving fidgety. I don’t want to be a person who lives with regret of not following his inner voice, said by a dreamer inside me. Neither you will love to die due to no money and no food, the father replied. With this saying of his, he chose to leave the room just to avoid more of his confrontation with myself and my dream.
“Dreams” according to me is that hard drive of the brain which can store as many dreams as you can but doesn’t have any delete option to it, but you do have a “sacrifice” button which you have to adhere to, in order to eradicate your dream from your inner self. And when you adhere to sacrifice, that moment can’t be described in words, pain and more pain is what you get.
So there was a dreamer and his mother sitting in the room, with his mother eyes staring at him, for just being open to them about himself. The sympathising figure is what I call my mother while playing that role she asked me, what you want to become. That made me parked into a cloud of doubts and helplessness, as to whether I was not so clear when I had an answer to her question, it was precisely said by me in a vivid manner.
By asking the same question, does she want to persuade me to change my dream? Well, why they don’t understand it’s my premonition that can’t be changed no matter what.
Mother, someday you will see and have an apt answer to your question, said by me to my mother.
Well, I would love to, but for time being just give me a “Gist of it” a gist of what do you want to become, my mother, replied. I will give you a thesis of, how it all started and how I realised it when the time comes.
My mother eyes reflected that her mind was astonished by listening to this statement of mine; maybe I didn’t give the answer she was expecting.
In a state of discomfort, she asked me that by “how it started” you meant to say that, it all started with a dream. Isn’t it? In an inquisitive tone, she asked me.
Well mother, now you have the “Gist of it”. That concluded the end of our discourse which in a way showed a green light to my dream, of course, it was not from my mother. Sometimes you have to be on your own and take a prompt decision because vacillating perpetually will lead your hearts and your psyche in astray.
All of us have a dream and all of us don’t have the courage to make it a reality, I just want to convey to all of the dreamers to make a note that “You are when you say you are”. No one will believe in you and your dream if you yourself have some qualms about it. Make the world know what you want to see yourself as and tell them with supreme confidence. This entire if done by any dreamer will make him/her, to cross one of the plethoras of hurdles that will be coming in one’s journey, when they will be realising their dream. Talking about me even I don’t have any surety of becoming a writer, but I will try and try in every way possible to satiate my soul and the time will come when my parents and the world out there would see that while bringing their hands together to make a clap.