I Know That I'm A Girl, But

Harshita Sevaldasani | 26-Apr-2017

I know that I’m a girl because I’ve been told so for as long as I can remember- I’ve been told to fear the world because the world was a cruel and unforgiving place for a girl. I know that I’m a girl because, after seventeen years of living in the world, the predominant emotion that I have is fear. I know that I’m a girl because I’ve been told to walk with my head down- because now, I wither before a piercing gaze.  I know that I’m a girl because I’ve been told that my whole life is just one giant aisle leading to a big fat marriage presided over by a big fat dowry. I know that I’m a girl because I’ve been told that I should always cover my bosom to hide the fact that I have any curves at all.

I Know That I'm A Girl, But

Image courtesy- wlpapers.com

I know that I’m a girl because I’ve been told, time and time again that I should give in to boys’ arguments because they are more dominant ‘by nature’ and that as a ‘good girl’, I should be meek and submissive. I know that I’m a girl because I’ve been told that I was never going to be as clever as boys were. I know that I’m a girl because I’ve been told that my dreams and ambitions matter less because of a genetic blunder that happened seventeen years ago. I know that I’m a girl because I was taught to be more proficient in doing household chores than anything else. I know that I’m a girl because ‘fun’ was taboo- ‘good girls’ don’t have fun-because fun always abandons the restraints of safety- and I was told to be a good girl. 

I know that I'm a girl for I bleed and act like the tornado in my abdomen feels like nothing. I know that I'm a girl when some male friends I own judge my character. I know that I'm a girl when they say it's an invitation for rape on short clothes and a bad figure on complete clothes. I know that I'm a girl when I bear every injury on my body, covered or nacked because I lack muscular power and I'm a girl, I meant to be suppressed by a man. I know when I'm a girl when everyone taught me girls were meant to 'sacrifice' every of her inch and happiness to prove her loving nature and a huge heart.

I know that I am a girl because the world I saw had closed its doors on me even before it ever opened. I know that I’m a girl because I feel my heart violently thudding in my chest every time I step out on the street. I know that I’m a girl because an inner prude always chokes up my yearning to speak up and be heard. I know that I’m a girl because I’m tired of being one. 

I know I'm a girl when I am aimed to enhance or say enchant life of others,  no matter how much I'm ignored- No matter if I work all day,  I'll be just a 'housewife'-I don't work.! No matter if I do a job, I'm supposed to look after everyone and cook because men they don't cook, Y chromosome in them don't allow them! I know I'm a girl when I have to slide down my eyes after everyone even though I'm better than them. I know I'm a girl when my father planned to kill me inside the womb,  because he cannot afford to pay my price to my groom when I am sold, may be because my mother cannot afford to watch me ruined in the hands of devils.I know I am a girl because when I attain the correct age of marriage, I will be made sit still like a statue to be sold, no matter if I have the dreams to be lived. They will be washed off because the price which needs to be paid in college will be paid to the groom.

I know that I’m a girl, because I’ve wished a thousand times that I’d been taught how to fight the cruelty and the apathy, If only I’d been taught to be brave rather than be safe, If only, then my life wouldn’t have been an endless story of hiding in plain sight, wouldn’t have been a saga of cold sweats, a hammering heart and withered dreams.

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About the Author
Harshita Sevaldasani
I always wished to be immortal and therefore I started writing. Words are drugs to me and music is life. Moulding words and creating a magical feeling within people is my real interest. Email: harshisevaldasani@gmail.com